So... A lot has happened since my last post. Trigger warning: Mental Health, SI, Self Harm
|Angel passed away from cancer. I adopted Boo Violet. I got a job at a very large bank. I met a guy. I got moved around to a new project. Started dating said guy. Got moved to another department. Proposed to the guy. He said yes. Bought a house with the guy. Moved me, my kid, and my dog in with the guy. Adopted two girl rats. Planted gardens. Married the guy. Got drunk at the reception (which pretty much sucked a bag of dicks), crashed my car, spent my wedding night in jail. Quit drinking on Halloween 2021. Had a mental health crisis during the holidays. Went on Leave of Absence from my job 12/20/21... Haven't gone back yet.
Also made friends with two swans who appeared around the time I was contemplating and planning suicide. They are a large part of how I survived. I also entered a partial hospitalization program, changed my meds (still doing that), and re-focused on my art, and the natural world.
I am more tan than I have been in years, and my body dysphoria just hates that, but mentally, I'm getting stronger every day.
I'm currently too tired to write much as to why I've been "away." Or think too much about any one thing. But here is an email I sent today to a very dear, very new, friend:
Fuck a duck... er... swan
This is your fault, you did say keep in touch. And I knew you'd empathize.
So that's my thoughts today. Glad to be back doing this. Will probably be even more random now than I was. Is that possible? Who know... Am I talking to myself? Probably.
So if you read my second to latest post, you know that my dog was diagnosed with at least one mast cell tumor this past Monday (today is Thursday). Yesterday, she had surgery to remove four lumps; the one that had been identified as mast cell, and three others. She is currently doing a great impression of Frankenpuppy or Joaquin Phoenix, take your pick. She is laying next to me in bed, in a black t-shirt to protect the incisions on her shoulder and abdomen and she is drugged to the gills.
I'm feeling a little less bitter and hopeless than I did the day I got the news. People have come out of the woodwork to offer support. Emotional, physical, financial support from friends, family, complete strangers. Angel's story has literally gone around the world as a friend from college lives in Italy and has challenged some of his friends to donate to help us. I am overwhelmed with gratitude. And I am hopeful that the biopsy results will be good. I should know more next week.
In even better news, tomorrow I will be adding my signature to a Custody Stipulation that gives me sole legal custody and primary physical custody of my daughter. Meaning that I don't need to ask my ex-husband for his consent to make any decisions about her care, and she and I can move wherever suits our needs best. This is a huge weight off my mind and is something long overdue. I would be celebrating more, but I literally have not slept since a few hours Tuesday night. I am too old for all nighter's anymore and am very much hoping Angel sleeps more tonight so I can get some rest.
I will hopefully get back to reviewing and discussing entertainment soon. Life simply got in the way.
I'm Kirsten. Some things you could label me with; tattooed, geek, mama, animal lover, weirdo, nerd, writer, movie and TV addict, lazy, ambitious, insomniac, feminist, LGBTQ+.