I've always had difficulty with expressing what's in my head (like speaking words that make sense) because aphasia and word salad are a symptom of my migraines. But since the mental collapse of winter 2021/2022, it has become much worse, so I'm really trying to figure out if compartmentalizing is what I actually wanted to say, since spell check isn't freaking out, I suppose it is.
My mother recently suggested that I discuss an issue with my therapist. The issue is, I get too emotionally involved in issues I can't do much about.
I had to stop following the news about the war in Ukraine because I was living there, through it, in my head. I CAN donate, share information, and hold space in my heart that maybe that asshole Putin will give up, even though that's not likely with that fucking narcissistic dictator.
I moved from New Jersey to Florida (ugh) in 2017. V (the wildflower child) had been in an elementary school in NJ that had, as just the basic curriculum, Spanish, Art, Dance, Music, Computer Sciences, as well as the standard Math, ELA, PE, Social Studies, and Science. So we move with my parents to the county in FL with "the best school district in the state." Again, for perspective, that state is FLORIDA. Guess what's not available in these public schools? SPANISH, dance, art as a basic requirement, and you know, SPACE for the kids.
Recently a zoning suggestion for the "new school" being proposed, would split our development into a minimum of three different school zones. Sometimes one side of the street was zoned to another school than the opposite side of the street. I'm not even going to get into the bussing fiasco. The thing is, the very reason we moved to this county and this development, was because there was promised at least two new schools built HERE, in the development. I'm going to give you one chance to guess how that's going. I'm absolutely livid that there's a chance my daughter may have to go to her last year of middle school (8th grade) in a completely different school. WTF is that? Anyway...
I'm a longtime supporter (and member of) the LGBTQ+ community (yes I married a man, doesn't mean I'm straight). The attacks on rights, people, and even fucking recognition of the legitimacy of LGBTQ+ rights as humans and their value to our collective community... There's a rage I can't contain. I can only make sure my home is a safe space, and donate to the local shelter organization for Jacksonville LGBTQ+ youth and young adults, JASMYN. I want to find the parents of children disowned for being themselves and well, I should try to understand, but violence is my first instinct. My daughter is asexual bi-romantic and I'm so proud of her for being herself.
I hate all of the GOP at this point. Anti-science, anti-environment, anti-compassion, racist, misogynistic ego maniacal monsters. All of them.
And why the fuck would someone my hubs has worked for, without a raise, who is family, refuse to give him a raise, right after telling him he spent between $1000 - $1400 a night on a resort stay in Hawaii, and then say his expenses are too high for a raise. Fuck him.
There's no infrastructure here to support the continuous development. For all Florida's social and political flaws, the environment and wildlife is astonishing. But none of that is safe from the siren song of easy money for developers.
I'm angry. I'm angry about everything that I see as injustice or exploitation of people, resources, animals... I'm a progressive liberal leftist and that will never change.
One of my favorite lines in the televised version of "American Gods" is Mr. Nancy's "Anger gets shit done." But my anger allows not much doing of anything I can do to change the situations. I've protested, I've walked, I've donated when I can, I call out people for using hateful, outdated, or prejudicial speech. But I can only change what is right around me. And that makes me feel hopeless and insignificant. Which makes me even more angry.
I do have to do something to compartmentalize what I can, and cannot change. And try to be satisfied with leading my own life in line with my values, helping Hubs to understand my views, and raising V, and hopefully my bonus children, to carry on with compassion and awareness.
Sometimes though, that's not enough, and I rage. Today is one of those days. So after posting this long rant, I will try to relax, focus on my small gardens and my dog, make sure V's cramps are under control, and keep Hubs from feeling overwhelmed and depressed. And tonight when I lie down to sleep, I will try to not dwell on all the things I cannot change.
Tonight my six-year-old daughter "bridged" from Daisies to Brownies in Girl Scouts.
This was a pretty casual event that involved an "international dinner" and earning of their final flower petal for their tunics. (I made colcannon, recipe follows.) It was hosted at a member's home and everything took place outside in the scorching June Mid-Atlantic evening. Yay for SPF50.
I was hiding from the sun (I really don't look almost 41 for a reason) and chatting with another mom from the group and had mentioned how my boss is very involved in Cub Scouts and therefore gets filled in on all my Girl Scouting adventures with my kid. The other mom jumps in and starts talking about how Boy Scouts is so much different than Girl Scouts because her son's troupe involves everyone in the family and they all get to go to every event and the Girl Scouts isn't the same.
"But maybe it's the troupe leader."
And that's when my internal monologue kicked into high gear because lets look at some well reported and known differences between the Girl and Boy Scouts.
Girl Scouts... Pro-Choice, LGBTQ inclusive, non-dogmatic regarding "god" in their practice (whatever floats your boat counts).
Boy Scouts... None of the above.
I don't give a shit if I'm the only person in the family that goes to my kid's scouting events... If I end up partnered with a woman, I won't be prevented from volunteering (this is not out of the realm of possibility). If my kid ends up queer, they won't kick her out. If my child starts talking about Odin when the subject of God comes up, that's going to be okay.
So fuck the family bbq with the Boy Scouts. I'll take my Girl Scouts every time.
5lbs Potatoes (Any thin skinned good boiling potato works)
2 Small heads of cabbage
3 Bunches Scallions (Green Onions)
3 Sticks Butter (Or Half Container Earth Balance)
Milk (Or unflavored Soy Milk)
Salt and Pepper
I'm Kirsten. Some things you could label me with; tattooed, geek, mama, animal lover, weirdo, nerd, writer, movie and TV addict, lazy, ambitious, insomniac, feminist, LGBTQ+.