I adopted the world's best dog last year. Her name is Angel Heart Henry Williams and she's so fucking awesome she has her own website. Angel has not had it easy. I adopted her March 18th 2015, by the first week of April she was spayed and vaccinated. Soon afterward we started treating her for serious allergies. Eventually I had her tested for allergies and she came up allergic to life. So I put her on allergy shots. (This stuff isn't cheap.) Then she tore both cruciate ligaments in her knees and I got her orthopedic braces. That worked. But now I had a lump on her shoulder tested last week and it came up as a mast cell tumor. This is very not good news.
I work part-time. On average 22 hours a week. I spend the "rest" of my time being Mama and trying to get my life in order. In the last few months I have spent $1700 on summer camp for my daughter (that's the discounted for poor people rate by the way), $1500 for an attorney to fight for sole legal custody of my daughter, $400 on a broken axle on my car (which was also a discounted rate because my mechanic has worked on our family's cars for 20+ years), and summer clothing for my daughter and food for the dog and food for the kid and I and gas... The estimate for surgery is about $1000. She's scheduled to go in this Wednesday.
I had a total meltdown this afternoon. I was NOT expecting this news. The worst thing about this is, I am really starting to feel that no matter what we do, there simply is not justice or fairness in the Universe.
I was raised Pagan, Wiccan actually. Yes you read that right. I was raised Wiccan. I don't identify as Wiccan, I'm more eclectic, but drawn to the Norse mythology more than anything. I have always believed that prayer or magic or miracles do happen because if enough people believe in something strongly enough, it must have power. But with the shit I've gone through over the last few years, and especially since I've been actively trying to be a positive and kind and helpful person, I am struggling. What benevolent force would put Angel and I through this bullshit? Why would my car die in an intersection with both my daughter and my dog in the backseat? Why would the sweetest rescue dog in the world have to go through all of this? Why do I live as gently and kindly as I can, work to the best of my ability, treat those around me with respect when I know people who are total assholes are getting everything they ever wanted. I mean my ex-husband didn't pay the mortgage for four years and I now have a foreclosure on my record thanks to that crap, but he's fine traveling around the country doing his thing while I scrape together what I can to put my kid in summer camp and save my dog's life.
Fuck this noise. All of it.
I might feel differently tomorrow, but right now I'm dying inside and hoping I'm doing the right thing. In the mean time, I have set up a GoFundMe page for Angel's surgery and I'll do the best I can for her.
I'm Kirsten. Some things you could label me with; tattooed, geek, mama, animal lover, weirdo, nerd, writer, movie and TV addict, lazy, ambitious, insomniac, feminist, LGBTQ+.