Taking the first dose

I took my first dose of Cymbalta yesterday. The major concern was that I would be allergic to it or have an adverse reaction. I don't respond to all medications like I'm "supposed to." Intravenous Valium for instance makes me psychotic and paranoid. Percocet causes me to shake uncontrollably and sweat bullets. Codeine has caused hallucinations. It's super fun trying out a new medication. 

So here I am, almost 24 hours after taking my first dose, still hating that I am back on anti-depressant medication, but wondering if I will better be able to function through the life changes that are occurring beyond my control. My heart is still broken in a million pieces and as much as I try to reason myself into believing that I will be okay, I don't feel like I will ever be okay. I want to be a good mother to the Wildflower Child. I want to have someone to love and be loved by. I want to be able to stand on my own two feet and weather the slings and arrows of this mortal coil. I want to be able to "win" NaNoWriMo'16. I want to be free of the impulses and doubts that keep me from actively seeking out the things that make me happy. I want the later half of my life to be full and expansive. I do not want to be trapped by "I can't." 

​Later today, I'll take the second dose.